one year.

It’s almost been a year.

It’s almost been a year since I called you and informed you that you were engaged, since we shared a meal together, since we walked around and laughed at ridiculous statements made by both our mothers. It’s almost been a year since you texted me and informed that our junior high basketball coach wanted to wish me a, “Merry Freakin’ Christmas.” It’s almost been a year since I got to sit with you and share my life, it’s almost been a year since I got to sit with you and worship the birth of our Savior together with our families that loved you. It’s almost been a year since you called and asked me to skip work and hang out with you one more day. It’s almost been a year since you forced a hug out of me and told me you were proud of me and that you loved me.

In another couple of days it will have been almost a year since you told me you were the happiest person in the world. It will have almost been a year since we laughed about your up-coming New Year’s date with a gay man. It will have almost been a year since I decided to wait another day or two to call you.

And then, a few days after that it will have been almost a year since I thought nothing could ever shake my faith or my world. Almost a year since I broke down and begged Jesus to wake me up. Almost a year since my mother held me so I could sleep at night. It’s been almost a year since I thought I knew Jesus in a real way.

It’s been almost a year since I had to look your father in the eye and tell him I didn’t notice anything different. It’s almost been almost a year since I thought I could’ve done something had I only known. It’s been almost a year since I hugged your mother and she told me that you thought I was the funniest person in the world. It’s been almost a year since I walked out of your house without a smile on my face and without getting to tell you some line from a rap song.

It’s been almost a year since I said goodbye forever. Almost a year since I questioned you and your plans. It’s been almost a year since my father held my hand as I wept at the mere thought of you being gone. It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen your face. It’s been almost a year since I lost my innocence and everything I had ever known to be true.

It’s been almost a year since you brought Jesus to my face. It’s been almost a year since the only hope I’ve had is absolutely in Him.