train. wreck. all aboard.

We knew it was coming. We knew he was going to choose the hood-rich hoochie over the Disney character divorcée. So, why all the hoopla? Why the backlash? Why did sheer panic set in last night when it actually happened? I'm not sure, but I can tell you this: Jake needs to get his shit together and fast.

I have a fairly decent idea about how much money a regional pilot for American Airlines makes (big write up in the Dallas Morning News a few months ago) and it's not Chris Harrison money, but boy better get a pre-nup signed. Today. And he should pay to have Vienna's tattoo removed. Yesterday. He should have done that yesterday.

How weird was the interaction between Jake and Tenley last night (on ATFR)? Hello, awkward. He told her he loved her. This is right after we watched two hours (two hours I will never, ever see again) of him he-hawing about being completely and totally in love with two different women. Mama ain't alright with that. In my world, if you're in love with two different women you're cheating on someone and/or someone is getting the wrong end of the deal. That doesn't bother Vienna? I can definitely see how he could like one more than the other or really like this about one and that about the other...but...that's never what he said. I totally understand the premise of the show and all, but I've never seen anyone take it quite to the level that this tool shed did.

Let's discuss Jake's mother and her weird obsession with girls getting along. I can totally see how a daughter/sister-in-law could come in and steal away a son/brother or drive a wedge between family, but this woman was like, weirdly obsessed about Marsha and Jan welcoming in Cindy with open arms. I happen to really like (and love) my sister-in-law (SHOUT OUT! Jennifer!) and we get along well, but when my brother brought her home/said he wanted to marry her/proposed there was never a huge emphasis on the two of us getting along. Us getting along is a bonus. Just seemed weird and creepy that that was Jake's mother's number one priority in all of this. She could care less that this girl is clearly trashy, inarticulate, spoiled, immature and an incredibly poor dresser (if I'm saying it, you know it's bad).

Here's hoping Jake and Vienna have a lifetime of happiness together. I think it's only a matter of time before Vienna is working at the Twin Peaks on I-35 right before you get to Lewisville. You know the one.

One more thing, I'd rather have someone carve out my left eye with a butter knife than watch Jake on "Dancing with the Stars." No, but seriously...choke me with his shell necklace and stuff vienna sausages down my throat. It ain't happening.