what's in a name.

I just read an interesting article in the New York Times (my level of sophistication, surprises you, eh?) about naming your baby and then regretting the name you gave said child. I was surprised to find that only three percent of people surveyed said that they, in fact, regretted the name they gave their child. Something in me is guessing that they only surveyed people who named their child something normal and civil.

Because, surely, some of these crazy-ass-people (CAP) who name their children after a fruit, a car, a motorcycle or a beer are feeling a little uneasy about the decision. And surely, the people who give their kid a functionally normal name and then trick it out with some weird-ass-spelling (WAS) regret it when they are constantly yelling, "Mad-a-line! M-A-D-D-Y-L-Y-N-N-E-E! Just like it sounds!" I'm sorry, that's not just like it sounds. What's with all the extra letters? And why are people suddenly changing the spelling of names so their kid is "different." Just because your kid spells their name Ashleee instead of Ashley doesn't make them different. It makes them difficult. I also think it sets them up for a life of being high-maintenance.

I've never named anything more than a few dogs and a couple of fish, but I never named them anything I regretted. I do wish I would've ventured out a little more when naming my teddy bear, Teddy, but that was actually a pretty original name.

When my parents were debating on what to name me they both wanted some glory (I think they knew how awesome I would turn out) and wanted me to be their namesake. My father wanted Regina (oh, Lawd, what if?) and my mother wanted Lauren. Praise God my mother's ego was bigger and they went with Lauren. In a not-so-awesome move they gave me the middle name Nicole and decided I would go by Nikki, as to not confuse the public (Lauren and Laurie sound alike when you mumble). I'm a firm believer that any name that features not one, but two K's and ends with an I is a recipe for disaster. In a move to make my life easier, better and a lot less trashy, my father decided just a few days into me being out of the womb that Nikki simply wasn't going to cut it. He knew I would dream of being a United States Senator and author. He knew I wanted respect and admiration. And he knew a person with that name would never get it.

By dropping the two K's and an I shit-storm my parents set me up for success. I just wish the rest of the world would do that when they name their children. I mean, seriously...are you ever going to vote for someone who's name is Madisyn? or Kaedence? What about Abdulkareem?

Think before you drink. And don't drink before you name your baby.