the hills: so stupid.

We meet up with Lo-Lo, Holly and StephiePratt at a restaurant. These people meeting up at restaurants is all for show. I bet they haven't actually eaten in years. They just drink and get a few nutrients off of limes and lemons. Holly lets the gUrlies know that her mom is coming into town.

"A mom never gives up on her kids." --Lo-Lo

Apparently Darlene hasn't met Spencer.

Then, they dish on Bromance Brody and K-Cav.

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We head into the gay-rage with the boyZ and of course, they do nothing but talk about K-Cav.

"I ain't gon' go cry about it." --Brody

In a bout of awesomeness they "take some bikes out."

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Holly heads to the airport to pick up Darlene and within nine seconds Darlene calls her generous and thoughtful, an obvious stab to her other daughter.

"I sat down with the gUrls and decided to write her off completely." --Holly

Way to ease into that news, Hols.

Holly says she's tried everything and Darlene is convinced she'll come around. Is this some foreshadowing into the future of now? Aren't we currently living in a world where Speidi is no longer one?

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Over at the Colony, not be confused with the early band of misfit states that made up our great nation, K-Cav and the Bartender are talking about...drumroll...BRODY. I swear she says, "I haven't talked to Brody, since like, rehab..." But, turns out, she said "Costa Rica."

Bromance has some new asshole at the clubZ with him and StephiePratt likes him right away.

Bromance texts the whole time and K-Cav whines that she's ignoring him. What did I miss? WHAT DID I MISS? They aren't dating. She said she was fine with that.

And what? The creeper Tony Hawk Wannabe walks StephiePratt out to the car and he puts his hair in a ponytail as a super sad Alicia Keys song plays in the background. Brody drives off and K-Cav gets into a cab. A cab?! She's definitely become a second-class citizen in this Colony.

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The Bartender and K-Cav meet up the next morning and hold some coffee and discuss K-Cav and Brody's impending conversation of retardedness.

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StephiePratt and Tony Hawk Wannabe go out on a date and it looks like they are going to two very different places. THW is headed to the hills to go skiiing and StephiePratt is headed to either, turn a few tricks or dance on a pole. Then, she orders a PEPSI. A PEPSI. But, then he orders a Sprite. That's not even possible. You can't order a Pepsi product and a Coke product at the same place. This isn't 7-11.

Then, they talk about really stupid, boring lame shit.

"I have real good parents." --StephiePratt

Is that a real sentence?

"I did hear that you had a DUI...glad to see you ordered a coke." --THW

No, THW, she ordered a PEPSI. A PEPSI!

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Lo-Lo and Scott celebrate their one-year anniversary, but no one even knew she was dating him. It was kind of sweet, but seriously, where did he come from?

He asks her to move in together. Oh, shacking up and living in sin, PRECIOUS. She holds her ground and doesn't say yes. She doesn't say no either.

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K-Cav and Brody are at K-Cav's house drinking wine. King of the Bromance flirts and bats his eyes.

"I put myself out there the last few months." --K-Cav

Is that her way of saying, "we had sex and now it's weird?"

K-Cav wants to try and wants a boyfriend. Bromance calls her out on her games, but then she gets kind of sweet and real and says she enjoys his company. But, wait, BOMBSHELL: Bromance has another gUrlie. He was terribly sweet about it and broke the news gently and the fact that she hasn't been on the camera is a sure-fire sign that it could be a real relationship. K-Cav, in all her wonderfulness, says, "good luck with this someone else." So sincere.

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There's lil' Lo-Lo and StephiePratt doing some yoga and dishing on THW. Lo-Lo drops the bomb about shacking up with Scott and tells us about her rule concerning not moving in with guys before engagement. Yet another move that proves she's the most sensible person on this show. And then, StephiePratt proves she's an idiot again and simply says, "Yeah, but no one else is like Scott." StephiePratt should not be allowed to give advice. Ever.

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We head to "lunch" with Darlene and Hols. They call Heidi 10.0. FAIL.

"I just want to hear from her, get in touch with her." --Darlene

Oh, Darlene, don't be so desperate.

"I just worry for her." --Hols

"She feels like she can't live in two worlds, she feels like she has to choose between us and Spencer." --Darlene

That's just like the Bible says!

Then, she starts crying and Holly starts crying and it's kind of sad, but also...I'm over it.

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Depressed K-Cav drags Lo-Lo out to a restaurant and I just want to know why they even go through the hassle of driving around town and parking and getting a table when they never even effing eat. Or order, for that matter.

We learn that K-Cav has a heart and she has real feelings for Bromance Brody. But, it's hard to feel sorry for someone who is such a slutty bitch.

"You can't let Brody Jenner make you feel like an idiot." --Lo-Lo

Wow, truest of true. Cause, if Brody is making you feel like an idiot, you must be an idiot.

"I completely put myself out there and he doesn't want me..." --K-Cav

I still don't think being friends with benefits with someone and then playing games and then trying to make him jealous and THEN saying, "I like you" is really "putting myself out there." I mean, it is...if you're in 10th grade.

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Next week, we'll watch the last. epi. ever. of The Hills.

Not sad.

Not even a little.