the bachelor pad: damage control.

I'm not the smartest person on the face of the planet, but it's something I'm constantly working towards...unfortunately, because I've watched this show two weeks in a row now, I'll never get there.

From here on out, Elizabeth will be known as CAB (Crazy Ass Bitch). How did she manage to get Kovacs to agree to be in a relationship with her? And why in the world does she continue to tell him that she loves him?

White Trash Jesse and Bear-Lover Natalie remind me a lot of a high school couple.

A pie-eating contest? Gag. They should've made Melissa eat a pie. Or 12. That gUrl is SKINNY. And why do the gUrls have to be partially naked to do this challenge?

These people are adults, right? Like. Most of them pay taxes and have jobs? So, why in the hot hell are they walking around calling people "outsiders" and "popular?" I just keep waiting for Pony Boy to pop up. That'd actually turn this piece of shit around.

The Weatherman is smart. It's like he's taking all the senior gUrls to the dance that people love, but they aren't exactly homecoming queen material. Good call, WxMan. The painting they did on that group date was disgusting and not cool at all. I can't even think of anything clever to say because it was so stupid.

Gia states early on that she has the power to change the game and boy, did she. Everybody is blaming Nikki for changing the vote, but what if that idiot Gia would've just done what she said she would do?

Let's go back to Jesse B. How awesome is he? He's all about blonde hair bear-lover and the second he even has a conversation with Gia he's all, "yeah, Natalie's cool, but I can really see Gia and me together." WHAT THE WHAT?

Maybe I'm an idiot, but what was going on in that shower?

What's going on with Gia and Wes? Is she for real? I thought she had a boyfriend? And when he says, "I love you" does it mean, let's get married or I could eat pizza three times a day, six days a week love?

How many high school-centered romantic comedies do you think Jessie S. watched before coming on the show? I mean, her whole strategy is based off a Freddie Prinze, Jr. movie, is it not?

Best part of the show? When Tenley just burst into tears after she back-handedly called CAB a big ole slut. BOOM. ROASTED. Like, she called the other gUrl a whore, a slut and she gets to cry? What is happening in that poor gUrl's head? Anything?

Worst part of the show? Chris Harrison's outfit at the rose ceremony. Like, invest in a mirror. Seriously.

My head hurts. Bad.