bucket list.

I'm not really a big list maker, unless it's an itinerary. Good Lord, I love a good itinerary. I've never been one to make lists or even write things down on a calendar. I don't make lists because often, I can remember things off the top of my head. Sometimes I make lists because it makes me feel like a normal, functioning member of society, but then I forget about the list and go on about my day. I made a list to go to the grocery store the other day and never got it out of my pocket. I rarely make "to-do" lists because it would be the length of Tennessee and it would overwhelm me.

One list I've really avoided, on purpose, is a "bucket list." For different reasons than a "to-do" list or a grocery store list. Bucket lists scare the shit out of me. This fact was just brought to my attention a few days ago when I mentioned to a dear friend that I would be visiting Concord, New Hampshire, home of America's favorite President, Franklin Pierce. The friend stated that I would probably have very few things in life left to look forward to after standing where Pierce stood and looking at the chair Pierce ate breakfast in. I was really taken aback by this statement, because, damn it, it might be true!

I'm 26 and I've done and experienced a lot of cool stuff. I've been a lot of places, seen a lot of things, loved a lot of people-- but, is this really it? Is this really my stopping point? Am I really out of things to see after I kiss the steps of the only home Franklin Pierce ever owned? Surely not, right? But, then I kept thinking. And thinking. And thinking. What is left, I asked myself.

I think there's a lot left. And to avoid any emotional breakdowns about my life being over or seeing all there is to see, I'm doing it. I'm making a bucket list. This list will be different than my new year's resolutions, because I hate new year's resolutions and they'll be different from the things I'm thinking about being passionate about... mainly because I'm still passionate about very few things.

Bucket List: Things I Hope To Do Before Death

Version 1

Part 1: Things I Cannot Control

1. Marry a man.

2. Have a child: make him/her an entertainer, solely for my benefit.

Part 2: Things I Might Be Able to Control

1. Pay for someone else's college education.

2. Get a book deal. Go on a book tour.

Part 3: Things I Will Make Happen, Lord Willing

1. Take The Reg to England for his 60th burrday.

2. Take my mother to D.C.

3. Corrupt my future nephews and nieces. And tell them about Jesus.

4. Walk where Jesus walked.

5. Avoid rehab facilities.

6. Throw something off a bridge out of anger.

7. Do something awesome every day.

8. Go to Yorktown, Virginia and stand where my great-great-great-great (great?) grandfather stood with George Washington when General Cornwallis and

those stupid ass red coats surrendered the Revolutionary War to him.

Then, turn to the east flip the bird to King George.

9. Submit an application (resume?) to SNL to be a writer. Frame the rejection notice.

10. Get a pony at one of my burrday parties before I turn 30.

11. Drive a school bus.

12. Audition for Jeopardy.

13. Watch the Razorbacks win a football national championship. Cry tears of joy. Die right there and ascend into Heaven and celebrate with Jesus and the saints.