the bachelor: season 47.

After much debate (in my own head and nowhere else), I've decided that yes, I will watch this piece of shit television show and offer up my post-show analysis to the internetS. I apologize that this first episode aired during a very inopportune time, as my precious Arkansas Razorbacks were playing in the Sugar Bowl and I was in New Orleans. Therefore, this analysis is brief.

So, the Grover Cleveland of reality television is this season's Bachelor. Oh, you don't know the Grove? Well, ole Grover was elected to the Presidency in 1884, lost reelection in 1888 and then was reelected in 1892. He's counted as being the 22nd and 24th President. Which gets really fun when someone asks how many presidents we've had because you want to say 44, but you're wrong, because one man is counted twice. Meaning, the answer to that question is actually 43. FUN FACT.

So, this is the 15th installment of The Bachelor, but really, this is only bach number 14. See how he's Grover now? This is really thrilling stuff.

What's most intriguing about this to me is that, these people couldn't come up with a new guy to go on a "journey" with? I mean, I get it, I get-- it's something that hasn't been done, but to me it screams desperation. Could this be the last call for our beloved series? All good things must come to an end and, well, that goes for all shitty things, too.

The episode begins with about 14 minutes of BachBrad jogging shirtless and what seemed to be him taking a bath in a hot tub, again shirtless. I lost count, but I think he told us he had been in therapy approximately 3,487 times. And while in therapy he decided he needed to get married. Now, I had a stint in counseling (or, therapy, whatever you want to call it) a year or so ago and in all the self-discovery I experienced, none of it led me to believe I should sell my soul and my love-life to ABC television.

We finally get to meet the "ladies," and once again, we see just how loosely people use that word. During some of the solo story lines we saw the same shot of a "lady" sitting on her couch staring at a photo. Clearly, all of the creative juices for the season were used up when they chose a Bach that has already exposed himself to the world.

I have to be honest, I was more than half-asleep while watching this episode, so aside from the girl with fangs, the girl with pink shoes and the girl who's fiance died, but got an extremely cute kid out of the deal, I remember like, zero about any of the "ladies." Oh, there was that one that was a Rockette (so was Dina Lohan...crazy alert).

Anyway. I guess we'll see just how much all that therapy helped our ole boy Brad. And per the usual, we were promised that, yet again, this is going to be the most exciting and dramatic season yet.

Please. Promises, promises.