most eligible dallas.

Let's address the elephant in (on) the (blog) room: Most Eligible Dallas.

Admittedly, this fair city is not my favorite place in the world. It's not even in my top five. However, this has been my home for almost 5 years and I've been very fortunate to find some great friends and a great church to propel me along here.

Dallas might be the most egotistical place on the face of the Earth. Everything here is big, new, luxurious and ridiculous. That's where my hesitation lies in watching this show and then talking about it. This show only cements the fact that Dallas, as a city, is absurd. I also hesitate to watch and blog about this show, because I don't want to be that person sitting behind a computer bashing people. I mean, what if I run into some of these people at a charity event or church?

Anyway. I guess I've been talked into watching and blogging about this show. The following is not a recap, but more of an observation over the first two episodes.

"Instead of going to bars and clubs, a lot of people just go to charity events."

Who? Who does that?

Sooooooooooooooooooooo Dallas.

"Are you a Christian?"

"Of course, yeah."

Sooooooooooooooooooooo Dallas.

Let's start with Matt, the almost turned pro, former QB at Texas. False. He was the holder for field goals and point after attempts. He was the third string QB. And his junior year he was the backup holder. The backup holder. Third string QBs and backup holders don't turn pro. Doesn't he know the internet exists? Why make that claim? I could claim that I did a lot of things, too, but unfortunately, Mr. Google knows all. Google knows all. His bio on the academic side of things seems to be pretty impressive though. I will assume it's all true.

Matt says he can do more living in one day than most people can do in their life. Bold, Matt. Bold. If you have a job and you work there for like, six hours on a Tuesday, what else do you have time for? Lunch? Happy hour? Listen, I've been to lunch on a Tuesday. I've been to happy hour. I don't consider either of those events to be particularly fascinating or something out of the ordinary. Matt, where are you going to happy hour? Are you telling me there's something better out there than free queso at Chuy's? Prove it.

Matt's philosophy on being single is also incredibly interesting. He invites a gUrl to dinner. And then, he invites 12 other gUrls to dinner and says, "I can do that, I'm single." Yeah, great. But, AWKWARD. Single or not, that's so uncomfortable.

Is Matt wearing a formal fleece to work in epi 2? What is that? I don't like it.

Then, we have Courtney. She's sooooooooooooooo Dallas. Well, so is that other guy. But, Courtney screams it. She claims being upset over things that aren't "traditional" like her, but she also said, "use a condom" when referring to having a baby out of wedlock. Say what, gUrl?

She is "traditional" in the sense that she doesn't want to meet a man in a bar. I don't want to meet a man in a bar either, but I'm totally fine with a mother, single or otherwise, going to dinner without her baby. I think I'll be fine with that even if I'm 32 and still single and want a baby. I cannot ever see myself thinking that mothers and fathers should only be allowed to watch Criminal Minds for fun for the rest of their lives. She really seemed like a normal, fun gUrl the first 20 minutes of the first show and then BAM! Crazy train. All aboard.

Also, Courtney was drunk at the Al Beirnat's dinner with Neill and Tara. Two bottles of wine between two people is never going to end well. And it doesn't seem all that traditional. Traditionally, people get drunk off of a shot of tequila. Not off of two bottles of wine on a Tuesday.

"He has JFK Jr. hair." --Courtney, on her future husband

JFK Jr. had a brillow pad for hair.

Tara claims to be the most Dallas of all the women in the world. I kind of like her, but only in the way that she owns the way she is and she's upfront about it. Also, she doesn't seem crazy. She's a true Texan who wishes she could drink Texas wine over other wine. Eww. What? I don't even like to drink California wine. Most Texas wines cost like 7 bucks a bottle. Clearly, those wineries know their target audience (Texas).

Glenn? Glenn is from Michigan, by way of 9 NFL teams. On the outside, he seems not super Dallas-y. Then, he has a photo shoot. Then, he sees the photos from the photo shoot and likes looking at himself so much he has a conniption fit. However, he wears a lot of fedoras and drives an '80s Cadillac. Not Dallas.

Drew claims to not be a quintessential gay man, but he's so quintessential Dallas that he is a quintessential gay man. Just because you don't like broadway or Gucci doesn't mean you win. I don't like those things either. He goes on a date with a red headed Mexican and you would've thought he was on a date with a baby horse.

I think what's most sad about the show is that these people exist. A few of them live relatively close to me even. They exist and sadly, lots of other people like them exist, too. This is what Dallas is like...for some people. Not all people.

But, come on with the longhorns. When have I ever seen a cow driving around town? There's no vegetation here. Cows are not grazing within miles of here. Please stick with the actual stereotypical Dallas things if you're going with a stereotypical Dallas theme.